Hey little blog, how ya doin? Feeling neglected? Yeah, yeah, tell me about it.
I got my domain renewal notice the other day and went through the same emotions as I did last year about renewing it. I almost didn’t. Then I was wishy washy and got mad at myself for being wishy washy and then just let the automatic renew take place. There’s really no point in blabbering about it but this blog has been around since February 2007 for whatever reason and sometimes I have fun looking back and seeing if I’ve grown up or not.
Relationships.
Muddy, murky, lovely, glorious, painful and rewarding relationships.
A famous Canadian relationship recently ended and I certainly don’t want to be part of the barrage of commenters or well wishers, but in Raymi’s recent post “And So” she let out some very raw, real emotion that we don’t typically see in her everyday writing. I have no right to comment on her life, but I can’t imagine the pressure of thousands of readers asking what happened and what went wrong with a couple who had been together nearly five years and were recently engaged.
we acted beautifully together for everyone else but us. while alone it was stretches of silences for hours in our own little online worlds until it became dark then we’d get ready and go out to whateverthefuck was going on that nite. most things i didn’t want to do, i often chose his wants over my own. there’s nothing worse than acting for people you don’t even want to hang out with when you don’t feel like hanging out. making other people’s priorities supercede that of your own until you get to a point when you don’t care about anything anymore.
Grandma says “You gotta do you.” This, this is true. And I’ve found that when you do you, you’ve gotta do him too. You can feel whatever you are feeling but if you can’t tell him exactly what that is, even if he looks at you and interrobangs start appearing all over his face, you aren’t really doing you.
In the comments of the post, Raymi’s mom said, “Relationships require work, communication, affection, respect, fairness, give and take and without this, you have a superficial shell of just existing and detachment.” Then she said my most favorite thing ever: “It’s always best to be warm then live in a cold war.”
This shit isn’t one sided. I’ll never again be afraid to say whatever it is that’s crawling around inside my head, because I know he’ll listen until he understands.
And then I’ll get to listen too.
